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Literature to Read by Yapowii-Hemeowii

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Submitted on
March 2, 2013
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"Hello there loneliness, how are you today?"

Your silence says it all.

"Would you like to stare at the walls with me?"

Of course you would, that's why you're here.

"Lovely weather don't you think?"

Oh, you don't want to go out.

"I think I will close the curtains then, if that’s okay?"

You enjoy the darkness.

"Have I received any calls today?"

There hasn’t been any for a week.

"Wow, aren’t you quiet today?"

The only sound is my voice.

"I had a funny dream last night you know?"

I wished it would never end.

"Oh, how come I can’t remember it?"

Your presence makes me forgetful.

"I think I will have a drink, want to join?"

You much prefer the vodka.

"Should I mix it with something else?"

Those pills should give it a kick.

"Should I turn off the phone? Save the battery?"

Yes, that would be wise.

"Is there anything that I have forgotten?"

I really should lock the door.

"Well that’s all done, let’s get on shall we?"

You always liked to watch.
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:iconsilencedbook9:
Silencedbook9 Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Student Writer
Need a hug?
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:iconpuddha1988:
Puddha1988 Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Haha no thanks
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:iconangelenroute:
angelenroute Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2013  Professional Writer
Hi, Sean here from #We-Poets stopping by because you requested a critique for this poem.

Very real poetry here, speaks directly to the reader. Though it's not my favorite topic by far, I think you've really nailed the scene and the feelings well. Parts of it actually reminded me of the bad idea bears from the musical Avenue Q if you know the reference.

Nothing bad to say about this, just a couple of small edits for spelling/grammar:

**There haven’t been any for a week. (hasn't to haven't)

**"Wow, aren’t you quiet today?" (you could make "you" italic here)

**Your presence makes me forgetful. (You're to Your)
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:iconpuddha1988:
Puddha1988 Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the critique, glad you like it :) I will keep all criticism in mind :) Alas I don't know the reference sorry :(
I would have put the unspoken lines in italics but I don't know how to do it on here and when I copy and paste it from my word document onto here, it changes it back to normal. Do you know how I can do it?

Once again thanks for the feedback, your time and effort are much appreciated :)
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:iconangelenroute:
angelenroute Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2013  Professional Writer
I'm still figuring things out on here too lol...but italics should be < i> before the word or part you want to italicize and < /i> afterward (delete spaces in both, didn't put them because otherwise it wouldn't show you)
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:iconpuddha1988:
Puddha1988 Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Great stuff! Thanks a lot :)
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:iconsaevuswinds:
saevuswinds Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2013  Student Writer
Interesting personification of loneliness. It was a good read.
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:iconpuddha1988:
Puddha1988 Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you :)
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:iconsaevuswinds:
saevuswinds Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2013  Student Writer
No problem!
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